Return of the Dark Moose - Episode III

The PLB clubhouse was by far the most unusual structure that stood on four cornerstones. On the surface, it looked like a dejected (if not demented) sort of an adobe hut. It had the usual walls – sloping and slathered in plaster. It had the usual roof – a big, queer-looking dome. It had the usual look – sand-blasted and ready to fall apart. It had the unusual look – for some reason, the PLBers had the habit of plastering used beer-cans onto the walls. It was much more convenient than recycling.
But the eyes can deceive. The clubhouse was situated on a cliff-side. Or, let’s put it this way – 10% of it was on top of the cliff, 90% of it was in the cliff. Using lightsabers and fireworks, the PLB had managed to carve away tunnels, caves, and passageways that completely honey-combed the cliff. On the first level, the PLBers carved out a square-mile bathroom with enough stalls to accommodate a small city’s natural urges, a swimming pool big enough to be named a lake, and a hot-tub that could easily pass for a swimming pool.
The second level was even more fantastic – a volleyball court, tennis court, basketball court, and football field were all squeezed inside.
The third level was a bit smaller, and contained a pool table, a bar loaded with exotic drinks, and a 42-foot plasma screen TV for watching Star Wars, Firefly, and other favorites.
The fourth (and last) level was by far the favorite level of the entire club. It was small, barely furnished, dark, dank, and dreary. (This excluded the warm, sometimes smelly, chicken farm of Darthgenious’) In the center of a large room was a huge slab with straps to pin down even the brawniest of humans (or humanoids). On the walls were placed every torture device ever invented by sick people. Placed in the walls were small, barred cells for holding prisoners. Here was the Detention Level, the only Detention Level in history to actually be free of vermin. (The PLBers, when torturing prisoners, did not like to be distracted with squeaking rats.) Here were kept MOD prisoners of war.
Bonniegrrl was unfortunate enough to find herself on Level 4. Rive, donning his best Revan outfit, hovered over his ADMIN charge. Her wrists, ankles, and waist were securely strapped to the table. She wriggled and wormed, trying futilely to escape.
“My boyfriend will never allow you to get away with this!” she cried,
As Rive tightened a thumbscrew, he delighted in her howls of pain.
“And who is your boyfriend?” Rive asked mockingly. “Dark Moose?”
“I’ll never… Ok, ok, ok! I’ll tell! Yes, it’s him!”
The thumbscrew, Rive thought, was the best of motivators.
“That’s strange,” Rive said, rubbing his chin. “Two days ago, intelligence indicated that Moose has been regularly visiting Karen Traviss.”
“What?! NO!”
“I’ll give you a water break,” he said maliciously and pulled a rusty lever. Out of the ceiling descended a large, red, Igloo beverage cooler.
“What is that?” Bonniegrrl asked, breathless from the thumbscrew experience.
“Oh, this…” Rive said distractedly. “This is my masterpiece – Rivese Water Torture.” He rattled the cooler a few times to make sure it would work.
“What is, Rivese?” she asked, a nervous look in her eyes.
“It’s a demented variation of Chinese Water Torture. The Chinese version slowly drips water on your head until you go mad. To accommodate the American lifestyle, I speed up the process for convenience.”
With that, Rive pulled the lever, and the entire cooler of freezing water dumped onto the unfortunate prisoner.
“For whose convenience?!” Bonniegrrl gasped.
Rive’s mood shot right through his concealing mask.
“Mine.”